Tuesday, October 9, 2018

A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

This is the most difficult thing I've ever written. In fact, I came to tears a few times while writing it but there's one reason and one reason only why I'm doing it: I know for a fact there are young people out there going through the same things I did years ago. If this piece strikes a chord with just one of them and it spurs them to go make a change in their life, then it will have been worthwhile.

Here goes:

Dear Rod,

Look at you right now. Just look at you.

When you look in the mirror each morning, I know you don't like the young man who's staring back at you very much, do you? It's okay. I've walked in those shoes and realize they're very uncomfortable. I know you don't like looking in the mirror at all.

You think everyone hates you but you're wrong. The fact is everyone who knows you, loves you. When you're not drinking.

Deep, deep down, reallllly deep down, you know that's true but you don't want to do anything about it.

From the very first time you drank as a teenager, you loved it and hated it all at the same time. But you couldn't get enough of it, and still can't. Even though you know it turns you into a monster.

Eventually it will completely take over your life and nothing else will matter. But that's years away and you've still got plenty of damage left to do before then.

Really, the only thing saving your sorry ass right now is your work ethic and your talent. But one day that luck is going to run out too, just like a cat and its nine lives.

I have to ask you - because nobody else will - what the hell is wrong with you?

When somebody close to you like your parents, your brothers, your wife, your bosses or a coach offers you some friendly advice which might save your life, you immediately do exactly the opposite of what they say?

When somebody pays you a compliment, why does it go in one ear and out the other but when some no-name on the internet says the most horrible things about you, you not only hang onto it for days but you actually believe it?

You're killing yourself inside each day and everybody can see it but you. Eventually that spirit that everybody once loved will be totally dead. Why do you keep refusing peoples' gifts of help?

And don't say no one has offered to help. If you go back and think about it, I bet you can count dozens, if not hundreds, of times you've been offered a hand or seen or heard an ad about the warning signs that you're drowning in every day.

You are literally one step away from completely turning your life around for the better, and yet you keep taking the wrong step time after time.

People look to you to lead, but you don't want to lead. When it's time to step up, you want to run and hide, and if it's to a 12-pack of beer, that suits you just fine.

Rod, you have the world by the tail but all you see is what you don't have rather than the incredible things that you DO have. You were born with every possible advantage.

I just don't get it! Will you please open your eyes and wake up?

You don't know it but you've been battling Anxiety Disorder since you were in elementary school. Those suicidal thoughts you've had are NOT normal. But that's okay, it can be fixed. You think you're crazy, but you're not. You have a serious mental illness. I just wish you'd tell somebody.

Guess what? One day you're going to be going on doctor-prescribed anti-Depressants too.

No shit you're depressed! You've taken a flamethrower to every relationship and friendship you have and caused possibly irreparable damage to your career! The pills aren't going to fix that.

But, pick your chin up.

I mean it.

Your family and bosses aren't going to give up on you even though you've long since given up on yourself. They know the smart, kindhearted person you are beneath all of these problems and they are NOT going to let you to go down in flames.

Every single thing in your life can be repaired and you'll save an immense amount of pain if you start doing it right now.

You are going to be strong. You are not going to be bothered by what people say because you'll know exactly who you are for the first time in your life. You're never going to have to look over your shoulder again because you're always going to be in the right place, at the right time.

Best of all, God has given you another unbelievable gift which is the ability to connect with those who are still struggling. You are in flames now, but you know the road to sunshine and you'll have the ability to pass that on to those who are still lost. Helping others will make your heart explode with pride, more than anything you've ever done.

All I ask is, please do it today. Time's wasting.

5 comments:

  1. https://youtu.be/-l70C3ePyIQ

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Rod

    Thanks for writing this, I can truly relate. I have severe ADHD and was a problem drinker until my late 20s and now in my 40s I have a 15 year son with anxiety and depression who constantly has suicidal thoughts, we feel he's finally on the right medication and has the support system in place. I just read him the entire post and although he didn't immediately respond I could tell by his body motion that it made sense and somewhat hit home with what we've been discussing for a number of months. Keep up the great work both personally and professionally. DT

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  3. What a great article. I'm an abstainer but know I struggle with less severe bad habits that hold you down and give me the same feelings that you share in here. Wish you well on your road and wish you strength in the struggle.

    ReplyDelete

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